3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
