And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Holy sore nipples Batman
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
