Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
