yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Randomize
