Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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