I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
