Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
