Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
