Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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