What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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