between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is the high leading the old right now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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