Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I got inside last night via doggy door
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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