you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
