I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
false alarm. still invincible.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
