I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
