I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she peed on how many people?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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