I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
