Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
