Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
wow bdsm is so cute
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
