Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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