The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
