We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
