I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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