how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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