hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
