This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
