holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
vagina is talking i cant
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
