My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
