Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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