I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize