Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
