So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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