I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
