I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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