if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
