Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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