Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
