Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
