he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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