I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
