I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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