oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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