You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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