Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
