Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize