i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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