I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
