Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize