why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Randomize
