I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
