you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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