i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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