apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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