guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
