you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
