I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
