Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
