why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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