I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
