ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
look no pants
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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