somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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