I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
