drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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