I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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