she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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