remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
