I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
