dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
