i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
