I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
