is your mom at the bar?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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