my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
