I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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