The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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