Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
