You just made me feel so damn special
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
