the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
