the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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