My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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