I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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