I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
