I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
