Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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